The Verbal Eraser Effect

How ‘But’ Could Be Sabotaging Your Leadership

Picture this: you’re giving a team member feedback, starting with praise. You say, “Your presentation was excellent, but your slides were too cluttered.” Instead of hearing the compliment, they focus on the criticism. Why? The word “but” acts like a verbal eraser, wiping out everything that came before it.

This seemingly small word carries outsized power, especially in leadership and team communication. While “but” feels like a natural bridge between praise and critique, it often creates unnecessary tension, undermines trust, and stifles collaboration. The good news? A simple shift in language can make all the difference.

Why ‘But’ Undermines Your Message

The word “but” signals contrast. In conversations, it negates whatever came before it, even if unintentionally. When leaders use “but” to deliver feedback, team members may perceive the praise as insincere or as a setup for criticism.

For example:

•   “You handled that client call really well, but you missed some key details.”
The positive observation becomes irrelevant because the critique overshadows it. Instead of feeling motivated to improve, the recipient might feel demoralized or defensive.

This effect extends beyond feedback. In problem-solving discussions, “but” can shut down ideas, positioning viewpoints as oppositional rather than collaborative. For instance:

•   “That’s a good idea, but it’s not practical right now.”
The dismissal discourages creativity and innovation, reinforcing a “my way vs. your way” dynamic.

Reframing for Constructive Dialogue

Replacing “but” with more inclusive language fosters openness and collaboration. Words like “and” or “yet” allow you to acknowledge multiple truths without negating any of them.

Examples of Reframing Feedback

1.     Original: “Your report is thorough, but it’s too long.”
Reframed: “Your report is thorough, and a shorter version might make it easier to review.”

2.     Original: “You’ve made progress, but there’s still room for improvement.”
Reframed: “You’ve made progress, and I’m excited to see how you’ll build on this momentum.”

Examples in Problem-Solving

1.     Original: “That’s a good idea, but it might not work with our timeline.”
Reframed: “That’s a good idea, and we’ll need to adjust the timeline to make it work.”

2.     Original: “We could try that approach, but it’s risky.”
Reframed: “We could try that approach, and let’s evaluate ways to mitigate the risks.”

These small tweaks create a sense of possibility rather than opposition, keeping conversations constructive and solutions-focused.

How This Strengthens Leadership

When leaders replace “but” with more collaborative language, they build stronger connections and foster trust. Team members feel heard, valued, and motivated to engage in problem-solving rather than retreating into defensiveness. This shift also encourages innovation, as ideas are explored rather than dismissed outright.

The Power of Intentional Language

Leadership isn’t just about what you say—it’s how you say it. Words like “but” may seem minor, but their impact on morale and collaboration is significant. By choosing language that reinforces rather than erases, you create a culture of trust and shared purpose.

Ready to lead with intention? Start by auditing your conversations today. Replace one “but” with “and” or “yet,” and notice how it transforms the tone of your interactions. Your team—and your leadership—will thank you.