What People Really Want

Have you ever been caught in a workplace conflict that seemed impossible to resolve? Perhaps a colleague insists on leaving early every Friday, leaving you to shoulder extra work. At first glance, it feels like a battle of positions—they want this, and I need that. But what if the key to resolving these disputes isn’t about “winning” but about uncovering what’s really driving the disagreement?

In the heart of every workplace conflict lies an often-overlooked truth: people’s positions—what they ask for—are just the surface. Beneath them are deeper needs, motivations, and values. Addressing those underlying needs, rather than arguing over positions, transforms conflict from a zero-sum game into a space for collaboration and mutual respect.

From Positions to Needs: A Paradigm Shift

Take the example of a team member requesting to work specific hours. On the surface, it might seem like a rigid demand that disrupts workflow. But digging deeper, you might discover their need for flexibility stems from childcare responsibilities, a health condition, or a desire for better work-life balance. By addressing these core needs, you open the door to creative solutions that work for everyone.

This approach—shifting focus from positions to needs—requires curiosity and empathy. It’s about asking why rather than just reacting to what. For example:

Position: “I need Fridays off.”

Need: “I want to spend more time with my family.”

When needs are acknowledged, it’s easier to find solutions that honor all parties involved.

The Cost of Ignoring Needs

Conflicts that stay at the surface often escalate or simmer into resentment. When people feel unheard, they dig in their heels, hardening their positions. This can create:

1.     Decreased Productivity: Lingering disputes drain energy and distract from tasks.

2.     Damaged Relationships: Misunderstandings breed frustration and mistrust.

3.     High Turnover: Employees who feel their needs are disregarded may look elsewhere.

By contrast, addressing needs fosters a workplace culture of understanding and respect, which leads to stronger teams and better outcomes.

Strategies to Address Needs Effectively

Ask Open-Ended Questions
Encourage dialogue by asking questions like:

•   “What’s important to you about this?”

•   “How can we work together to meet your needs and the team’s goals?”

Listen Without Judgment
Often, conflicts persist because people feel unheard. Practice active listening to truly understand the other person’s perspective.

Identify Shared Goals
Highlight common ground to build collaboration. For example, both parties might share a desire for project success, even if they approach it differently.

Brainstorm Creative Solutions
Once needs are clear, explore flexible options. In the case of the colleague needing Fridays off, solutions could include rearranging schedules, redistributing workloads, or adopting hybrid arrangements.

Follow Up
Check in to ensure that the solution is working and that both parties still feel supported.

Building a Culture of Understanding

When we prioritize uncovering and addressing needs, we shift from adversarial dynamics to a problem-solving mindset. This not only resolves immediate conflicts but fosters a culture where people feel valued and respected.

The next time you’re faced with a workplace dispute, pause and ask yourself: What’s really driving this? Digging beneath the surface might just reveal the key to lasting resolution.

Ready to start addressing needs, not just positions? Begin with your next conversation. Listen closely, ask why, and watch as conflicts become opportunities for connection and growth.